From the eye of a Behavior Analyst
Who isn’t familiar with the continually growing data about marriages are going sour these days? They seem to last less and less stable and families appear destined to suffer the trauma and pain of break ups and divorce. Obviously we are concerned about the effect of this on our children, but the original partners of the relationship clearly bear many painful consequences as well. As we see the numbers rise and watch our friends and family go through the miserably familiar process of splitting in two, the question whether anything can be done about it makes it a very serious topic. If you actually see then there are many couples who have expressed the sentiment that their relationship was fine while they were committed and only went down the hill when they decided to get married.
As we all know media have played a very important role in the two decades to define relationship. Media has motivated our thought process by showing us high pitch family drama serial focusing more closely at relationship triangles, rather than the home-spun down to earth situation comedy. In cinema most of the movies moved us to tears, quite far from reality of relationships in real life. Finally, we were shown on a large scale that among prominent people, whether celebrities from the world of cinema, art and high finance, men/women could marry and re-marry, or not marry at all and have children on their own, with one or several women/men, or even adopt children without the benefit of marriage.
In the world we live in today, the old idea of arrange marriage is clearly no longer in fashion. As the world has changed and evolved this solution no longer fits into the psychological thought process of our youth. Although no new ideas for a stable marriage has emerged, at least, not any that shows any real signs of relationship stability in today’s world.
One of the main reasons relationships, partnerships, and marriages are no longer working, is that although we try to put our own new-found ideas into relationships in the hopes that with these ideas, relationships will work, but the minute we actually marry, we fall back into our old patriarchal patterns in an almost despair fashion. Now in order to remove these patterns and put our new ideas in their place, we have change our thought process and look for a very stable solution for the foundations of what we believe a marriage is to be. Marriage isn’t just to be happy, have the house, kids, and live together happily ever after; it’s much more than that.
If you are in a marriage that is struggle, you might want to consider the situation pointed out in this article. Don’t forget that our world is continually in change, including the way you think about relationships. People don’t mature once, and then remain that way the rest of their lives. Likewise, they do not get married or get into a committed relationship and then maintain it exactly the way it was the day of the wedding or the commitment. Therefore, there is no reason why you can’t evolve your ideas of partnerships and look in new directions within the parameters of your current relationship along with your partner.
Imagine getting a new set of stronger contact lenses or glasses. Imagine how they help you see the world more sharply, more clearly. So too, can you get another perspective on the real purpose of your marriage by considering the material in this article. The deep fundamental satisfaction and happiness that come from psychological, emotional, and spiritual growth have few parallels, focus in our relationships and not comparing with others makes the difference.
Clients who come for my counseling and tell me they are not in a relationship, but are considering one because they have met someone special, only get encouragement from me. Why? Because being in a committed relationship is the quickest way to grow in life. Don’t keep unresolved issues on time, if you are not able to solve a problem, ask for help.